Grown-Up Rules by 5th Graders

Shortly before Christmas I read parts of the picture book, "The Secret Knowledge of Grown-Ups" to the 5th graders. The book takes ordinary rules grown-ups love to tell them such as, "Brush your teeth" and "exposes the truth" behind them. One such rule was, "Drink your milk." The reason behind the rule is that there are atomic cows around the U.S. providing milk for the whole nation. If we don't drink milk, the atomic cows will explode, creating quite a mess.

Below are some of the rules and explanations the 5th graders came up with. Enjoy!

*Grown-Up Rule #27: Clean your room.
Official Reason: So it is not messy.
THE TRUTH: It is good to keep your room clean. But the truth is so your clothes don't come alive. Years ago the Roanoke mystery happened because of the villagers house were messy and the clothes suffocated them. Then, threw them in the sea. Scientists are discovering way to keep your clothes from coming alive, but in the meantime, keep your room clean.

*Grown-Up Rule #3: Brush your teeth.
Official Reason: It keeps your teeth from rotting.
THE TRUTH: The real reason is...so that your teeth don't fall out and turn into sweet teeth. Sweet teeth are tiny teeth monsters that only want sugar. They jump into your mouth while you are sleeping and take out a regular tooth to make room for themselves. When you awake, all you want is sweets. The only way to cure a sweet tooth victim is by making him or her eat only vegetables (preferrably green vegetables) for a whole week.

*Grown-Up Rule #4: Do your homework.
Official Reason: You get good grades.
THE TRUTH: If you don't do your homework, the papers will run off. Then form a gang and beat you up for no reason at all. They they will do your homework and get the answers wrong. Then they take over the world. But when you do your homework, they die of lead poisoning.

*Grown-Up Rule #10: There are no monsters under your bed.
Official Reason: Not to scare you.
THE TRUTH: The monsters do exist! At night they come out of the bottom of your bed and chew your shoes, shirts, and pants. They are always super quiet so you can't hear them. At day they spy on you because if you have been bad they will eat you at night and you will not notice until you feel the squeezing of the mouth but only if you believe they exist.
(In 2011 Bob McDougal went to sleep and in the morning he was gone with nail streaks on the floor.)

*Grown-Up Rule #5 Don't drink a lot of soda.
Official Reason: It will rot your teeth.
THE TRUTH: Yes, soda is bad for you if you drink a lot, but the real reason is that parents can't get enough of it! When they take a little sip they want more for themselves because it's so good.

So, be careful. Your kids are investigating the "real" reasons behind your rules!